How You Will Pay For My New Career

As a musician employed by the US military, you are helping pay my salary and benefits if you are a US taxpayer. (Thanks so much!!!) But I won't be in the military forever, and whenever I decide to return to a regular civilian life, I'll have to have a way to make a living. I just came up with a new plan today, which I will now share with you.

I will make recordings of my wonderful, sonorous, uplifting trombone playing. My music will undoubtedly make people happier after they listen to it. Happier people are healthier. In the name of keeping everyone healthy, I will lobby Congress to require everyone to buy my music. And if they really don't want to, then they don't have to. There will just be a small tax penalty they'll have to pay to make sure that my music gets out to everyone and I make enough to keep doing more recordings. You can buy my music, or you can pay a little more to the IRS. I make a living, you get awesome music to listen to, we're all happier, we're all healthier, everyone wins!

Don't worry if you think that's too coercive or intrusive. Apparently this is how things are going to be done from now on. Learn to love it!